Who will survive, and what will become of them ?

And so it is...

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 05:57:11 GMT

For the past few months I have been really scared about what i was going to do after school. And out of no where a job offer is thrown at me. So... i have a new job. a steady 9 to 5 job that was super hard to get, and pays really well. I am now a employee of MTV. Yup thats right, A television network, not film. But hey it is a great opportunity. So this summer starting May 8TH i will be working on a new show they are doing, in the camera department for $190 a day, 4 days a week till the end of August. Then starting in the fall, I will be working Mon thru Fri for a hourly rate of $12.00 an hour at the MTV building in time square for other stuff. I am really excited, yet i am scared i will screw it up. But oh well i guess i just need to suck it up and do my best.

I wear this bruised and broken heart on a sleeveless shirt... thats so i can still feel the pain

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 21:25:19 GMT

Work, work, work. that seems to be what I am always doing lately. I want to sleep but i cant, i do not have anytime. maybe i should stop writing in this dumb thing and take a nap. I cant stop listening to An Arms Race ( For Sound ) demo's. They are really great and it is a shame that they are dismantled. I truly think they could have done some great things.

Goodbye sky harbor....

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 16:00:02 GMT

Have you ever just wanted to scream at the top of your lungs, but cant. And it feels like your chest is going to cave in, and your suffocating because you just can not scream.... No matter how bad you want to, you just cant.

Your Revolution is a joke...

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 23:23:36 GMT

Yesterday felt like a year passing. It was filled with anger, disappointment, fear, Happiness, confusion, and resolution. I am close to many people, but only a few i feel i truly know. Some i rarely talk to. Some i have known for many years.

these floral designs and killing me...

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 20:28:31 GMT

So I just Finished a rough cut of the Arms Race ( For Sound ) video for " long knife drawn" and i think it came out really well, concidering we decided to do it at 11 last night and got to WTC center at 12:30am and finished at 2am. I have production stills in my pics on myspace if anyone wants to view them.

So this is our fateful realization...

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 23:11:09 GMT

It is 6 O'clock and I still have a mountain of dirty clothes to wash. i do not even really wear most of them. Anyway I really should hold up on the dirty cloths an go pick up my paycheck. I need money for this weekend. I am Assistant camera on a shoot in upstate New York, so i will be gone for a few days.

You make me wanna LA LA, on kitchen on the floor. hahahahahaha damn you Eric for making that your ring tone. Now i can't get it out of my head.

Its a shocking bit of footage, viewed from a shitty tv screen..

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 17:23:48 GMT

I changed my hair color and cut it short yesterday. I hate it, but there really is nothing i can do about it.

In a car under water with time to kill...

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 08:28:49 GMT

Have you ever just stop everything your doing and just think about what exactly is going on with yourself. I have been moving so fast the past month that i did not realize the changes i have made, and the person i have become. from my physical appearance, to my personality. Everything is different. I also can play the guitar pretty well now : )

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 18:22:22 GMT

I need to start cheating on girls. it seems to be a good quality that my type looks for in a guy.

I do not care what anyone says. cheating on your significant other is the worst possible thing you can do to someone. There is no excuse. You have the ability to make decisions and know what is right and wrong. When you are in the middle of cheating. in your head you know what your doing is wrong. And if you are not happy in your current relationship. and you cheat on them. there REALLY is no excuse in that. Because if you have the balls to cheat you have the balls to end your unhappy relationship. So many people lie to themselves that when there boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife cheats on them did not mean it. it was a mistake and they love me. NO THEY DONT!!! stop lying to yourselves. Letting them get away with that means they know that they can do it again. Im just so fucking sick of seeing these wonderful people just date the most fucked up people who treat them like shit but pretend that everything is fine. EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE!!! Staying with someone simply because your afraid that they will leave you IS NO FUCKING REASON TO STAY WITH SOMEONE!!!!

IF ANY OF THIS DESCRIBES YOU......GET A FUCKING CLUE !!!! .................................... dont be a dumb-ass

I lost my voice in the search of us..

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 23:17:34 GMT

Well. My classes are over and its time for preproduction on my final film. But fortunately I have a couple weeks off. Thursday night i went apartment hunting. And surprisingly we found one. A very huge and trendy one at that haha. It ended up being to late for a train back home so I ended up having to stay at My friends place. There was no place for me to stay , and the smell was unbearable. But Eric called me and asked if i wanted to go with him to Long Island to visit our friend. So he picked me up and we head out there at 2 in the morning. was were up all night just hanging out. We ended up at Jones beach at 5 in the morning with a few people, just playing guitars and smoking some cigarettes. I was fun. But on friday I did something oh so asome...... I was at a dinner hanging out with Dallas Green. HAHAHA i shit you not : ) He only could hang out for like a half hour but it was cool. He gave me advise on stuff and we talked about family guy. That was alot of fun.

A dream apon waking...

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 17:42:55 GMT

Last night I decided to head in to New York for a few drinks with my friends. Later that night we decided to go to a hookah bar. ( Where you smoke none tobacco smoke, but its flavored ) We ended up leaving there around 2am. To late to grab a bus. So I stayed at my friends place. I woke up around 6:30am, and everyone was still sleeping. I left and decided to see the gates before i left to go home. It was very cold and windy. when I arrived there seemed to be no one. I felt like I had this whole experience to myself. So with my ipod in hand i walked through the park. I came across one of the ice skating rinks, and also just so happened to be listening to Jon Brion - Peer Pressure on the " Eternal Sunshine of the spotless Mind" soundtrack. I just stood there looking at this rink and smiling. That song and a ice rink in central park reminds me of something that means alot to me. Something that is so simple, yet so important to me. I left the park and headed home. So I am now here siting on my bed typing this entry for you to read. I hope I fall asleep before this wonderful day fades.

Moments forever faded...

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 00:32:55 GMT

I am a little sad today. Someone i consider to be a very great friend has moved back to her home state for only being out here for a couple of months. I first thought she disliked me after are first time meeting. But it turns out she didn't. I am very lucky that we became friends during a very difficult period for me. It is funny how someone who barely knows can completely put all of your current confusion and complications in prospective... A positive one at that. But i am also happy that she is happy to go home. She has helped me more then i could ever have asked. And for that i am forever in debt to her. So Farewell and maybe you will be out here for the summer.

thank you for everything...

Days I recall Being Wonderful...

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 04:08:29 GMT

It seems that we all assume more then we observe and listen. No matter how bright and strong we are, we can be very unassertive and passive..... Denial is a word the also comes to mind.

( I am making a generalization on many people I know so please do not be offended )

LIGHT SWITCH!!! hahahahha ; )

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 05:04:49 GMT

- Monday was not good for me. It was not fun throwing up in front of my neighbors while they were leaving for work in the morning.

- Tuesday was good. It was bright outside, and a little warmer. And plus my stomach felt 100% better : )

some people are just...........

I have never been so scared to breathe.... Afraid to make a sound.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 03:17:58 GMT

My water heater burst at like 3 in the morning. I had to get all the water out before i left for a film shoot...... That was at 5;30 in the morning. I am a little tired.

Farewell my friends, for I am going to bed.

I felt you slip away..... Far away from me.

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 06:27:36 GMT

I had a fun night at my friends party tonight. I had a few beers but im a wimp so i always switch to soda after 2 beers. But ya it was fun.

Tell me where to meet... And I'll tell you why we should be.

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 00:17:36 GMT

I really wish certain people i know could trust me enough, and feel confortable enough to talk to me about things in there lives. Because I will only support and help them ( if they would like my help ) i would just listen to what they had to say...... i would Never judge. And If we do not have that, then all we are is just a hello and goodbye on the street. And that is unfortunate. I do not want it that way

Tell me where to meet... And I'll tell you why we should be.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 20:11:19 GMT

I got home last night and realized the chicken i bought was going to go bad if i didnt cook it. So I made chicken salad with it. WITH NO ONIONS EEEWWWW. it was good. I really dont like chicken salad. But I make is asome. I love my iPod. It keeps me from going crazy from boredom on the train.

Sorry to bore you with my entry. : ) bwhahahaha

HAHA i told you to reason with her you huge ego bastard.

If I could be anything... I would be medication for you.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 02:07:39 GMT

I heard the funniest thing today. WOW SOME PEOPLE ARE SO LAME HAHAHA I got the biggest ego boost from that. So thank you... You know who you are : )

There is still a little bit of your taste, in my mouth.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 04:27:47 GMT

I woke up to see a cold wet and grey day. I looked out to see this miserable day, and smiled. I found it amusing that todays weather represented exactly how i "thought" I was going to feel this morning. Nope, i felt fine.

And If I had the chance to do it all again, I would'nt expect anything less...

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 19:30:27 GMT

Man Bright Eyes new album is like Woah!!!!

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 02:27:56 GMT

I have been hit in the head with a aluminum baseball bat. Everything seems to be out of focus as I fall to my knees. My body is numb yet my head is cold from the wind blowing on the my blood soaked hair.

I just don't care anymore....Why should I. And until someone gives me a reason to care, I don't want to write in this ridiculous thing anymore.

I can make a mess like no nobody's business...

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 01:59:12 GMT

Oh what a odd couple of days....I think I will leave it at that.

The truth about heaven...

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 17:29:59 GMT

Once again I could not sleep last night. I felt small and discouraged. I felt that I could be making a catastrophic mistake, and everything that I came to realize in the past week could be wrong. Every arrow pointed to that direction. But what i came to realize is that this will be the most honest and real thing that i will do for myself. It will be the first time i will fight for what i want. And i will be putting myself into situations like that again and again. It will be very difficult but my heart is telling me its right.

Close only counts with grenades...

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 02:22:49 GMT

So i had a real challenge thrown at me today, and i feel i passed. So I'm still standing and i haven't changed my mind. i will not give up. Man i have a strong stomach. I'm proud of myself today. if it was Kris 9 weeks ago i would have thrown up all over the place and cried like a little bitch. Oh no my friends not the new Kris.